Oh, here it is. Italy has made me all emotional. It took a whole week, which shocks me- I’ve enjoyed myself, and appreciated it all, but until now I haven’t been transported, or carried away with ecstasy, or lost in another time, or anything like that. But suddenly here I am, on a train back to Florence with Tuscany flying past out the window, and I am having a full-blown Frances Mayes moment.
This one is actually courtesy of my dear friend Virginia. In addition to all kinds of support and cheerleading, plus a ride to the airport, she gave me a splendid travel gift- two CD’s worth of music for my IPod. I downloaded them without listening, so it would all be a surprise, and they’re just listed as Track 1, Track 2, etc. so I never know what’s next. I think I pulled up “Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes” in the Istanbul airport, and “Sittin’ on Trains” continues to crack me up. The one that gets me every time, though, is my true love Eddie Vedder, singing “Rise up.” Pearl Jam, after all of these years, still has the power to sing directly to my soul. This one goes,
“Such is the way of the world, you can never know
Just where to put all your faith, and how it will grow...
gonna rise up, find my direction magnetically..
gonna rise up, turn my mistakes into gold...”
And I am spinning off into thoughts of where I’ve been, where I’m going, what’s next, what I absolutely want to leave behind. I have a pretty clear idea of what my values are, and my priorities; I have a really good idea of how I do not want to spend my time, career-wise. What I haven’t figured out yet, is whether anyone will hire me to do the things I love, and not so much of the things I find excruciating. I’m not sure what kind of firm that would be, if it’s a firm at all. Going back a few years, my goal was to make a living doing something creative, and architecture was the most inclusive path of all my interests: social justice, sustainability, fine arts, literature, culture, a good blend of science and art. I’m trying not to lose sight of that train of thought, in a career that seems to start all its newbies out as digital draftsmen and Revit techies. I’m wondering, as I have for a long time, how to reconcile my needs for the next few years, with the realities of being an architectural intern, working on endless construction documents. I’ve been wondering for years whether academia isn’t a better option. Architectural history, or urban design theory would be great, and I’d be just as happy with a PhD as an architecture license, but I want to make sure I’m doing it for the right reasons.
Mercy. Quite a tangent for a happy train ride through Tuscany...but, as much as I’ve been delaying thoughts of this, on the other side of this trip is real life, whatever that looks like next. I’ve said this before, but this is the first time in years and years that I haven’t been able to picture what’s next, partly because I’m not sure what exactly I want, or how much of it is even within my control when architecture is at its lowest ebb in the last 80 years.
Job hunt aside, I am excited about a lot of things when I get home, mainly catching up with my dear ones. I missed some things at home. I missed a record-breaking winter, in terms of snow. I missed a friend’s 40th birthday at a skating rink, an also an elopement party, and three people started new jobs, and two of my favorite little people learned to crawl while I’ve been gone. Mostly, though, as my friends have said, “A lot has happened, but nothing’s changed.”
And I don’t know about everyone else. But I sure have. Of course, it started long before graduation, but that was a big moment. And I do, after just a few weeks of travel, feel so, so much better- my sense of perspective is a lot clearer. Despite the pace of the travel, and six overnight travel segments, I’m way more rested than I was at any point during grad school. I’ve been sleeping as long as I like, eating when I’m hungry, walking everywhere my feet will take me. When I told one of my favorite professors about my trip, she said, “It’s perfect- you’ll start to get your humanity back.” And without the constant deadlines and late nights and all of us living piled up on top of each other in the studio and racing towards design reviews, it’s true: I feel very much at home in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment